I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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