there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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