So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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