I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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