who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
