Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize