why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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