Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
