the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
