remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
