i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
