Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
