Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
