rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
