Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
