dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
