Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
