Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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