I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
