One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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