pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
