she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
