Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
