dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
