Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
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