Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
