She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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