No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
