I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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