Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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