It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
