I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
