I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
