You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
