i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
