just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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