I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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