No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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