i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
