I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
honey bunches of taint.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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