i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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