She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
