I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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