someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize