You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
