btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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