3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize