Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
