Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
