There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
