Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize