i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
