I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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