i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just had sex on a roof
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
