take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
