she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
They took my balls.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
