I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
