Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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