wakey wakey hands off snakey
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
