I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
