I smell stomach acid.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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