I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
