Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
