I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I would fuck him just for his dog
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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