whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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