i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
