His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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