He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
