so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
