I want to walk on stilts...naked
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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