I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
