Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
