my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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