If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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