i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
