Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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