college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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