Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
