Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
