Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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