Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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