I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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