I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
