Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
