so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
