nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
