I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
